An embarrassment of “years in review” this time of year. Have some more.
An exchange with a friend this afternoon about putting things in dirt. As in planting stuff, hiding dead bodies, or time capsules. Banter about how those things are similar in intended effect (sometimes). It was silly and wonderful.
These are my personal things from this past year that I would like to bury deep, somewhere. I would prefer you not to know these. Like Grover with the monster at the end of the book, WHY DO YOU KEEP SCROLLING DOWN??!
1/23/14 Met Gary Paul Nabhan, aka Brother Coyote. An architect of the Local Food Movement, author of Coming Home to Eat. Forgot all my big words, regardless, he was nice. Feed that night all the nitrogen and water it wants.
2/16/14 Traveled an ocean to an anxious and homesick friend. It was hard to do (work, family, life, money). Months later, my friend tells me we are no longer friends because I couldn’t visit sooner.
I want to bury that loss so I never feel it ever again. I’m sorry things were hard, friend. I did my best.
4/11/14 Watched the person I’ve known the longest (outside of blood-family) marry in beautiful Hawaii. Dug my toes in the sand. Forgave myself gluten and ate all the pancakes. Did not die. But boy was I puffy.
(In December, I will repeat this behavior in New Orleans with croissants. I am insensitive to my sensitivity. Or making dumb choices.)
5/1/14 Asparagus finally pokes up on the same day that two students complain that their final grade was too high. Something magic in them there dirt.
7/18/14 First major feedback on my dissertation. My project is called “elegant.” Take that word, seal it in a diamond, swallow it. Every now and then let it shine behind my smile. Sometimes it will burn like frostbite.
10/27/14 Made a Halloween costume, a sequined dress. Painted on Julia Roberts lips. Behind this costume is a woman deeply proud of attending sewing camp as a tween. At the time, however, I wanted to crawl under rocks.
11/7/14 Lovely, redemptive, trip to Atlanta. My last trip to Georgia was to bring my Grandmother up to live in New York, and for her coda. Train trip from hell, it was. Being a bone collector is humbling, hard and sickening.
12/6/14 New Orleans. Once, I dated a bad man that had an underage prostitute in this city. My stomach turned, immediately, I turned him out. My turning stomach resisted one position in this city. If she is still alive, she would be in her 20’s now.
Who ever you are, I am sorry. I wish you peace, and I wish him and whoever put you there deep down into a dark pit. The things I want to bury, are different from yours.
1/1/14 I read 138 books (for fun) in 2014 (mind you, I’m writing from the future now). The first book of the year will be Paulo Neruda’s Full Woman, Fleshy Apple, Hot Moon. Another friend advised me toward this choice over others, exalting, ‘begin the year with love.’
Bury love with the bodies, bury the bodies with love. Plant all the things with love, even if the things aren’t things that grow. Begin the year the way we must begin everything.
Xu Bing. Genius.
Taste Buds and Molecules: